Chicks (and dudes that cry) needn’t read this post. Better yet, they should (although it won’t help). Back in some month of this year I climbed a mountain big hill. The night before, I got a wee wahooed playing a made-up drinking dice game in the pouring rain with a couple friends. The morning of the hike, I ponied up and pulled out my man diploma. New boots on my feet, too much weight on my back, a headache and an intense case of cotton mouth the three of us made the 3,689 foot climb to the top. Within an hour, my feet were showing signs of wear. Within two, they were clearly blistered. “Need to rest?” I was asked. “No, Man School.” 30 min later, I received a demerit as I sat to regenerate. Between bear reports, torrential downpours, aching muscles, and inaccurate timing, the entire trip stayed true to the Man School curriculum: Quit Whinin’ 104, Eat Anything 201, Bears Suck 310, and Drinkin’ & Backpacking 400.
Man School is a state of mind. When you nearly drown because your kayak flips over in a rolling river, Man School. When landing a plane makes less sense than jumping out of one, Man School. When you leave your shoes home for a foot race, Man School. When you’d rather spend 8 hours and $200 on a minor home repair instead of calling a professional, Man School. When you pack a duffel bag and a daypack for a two-week two-season international excursion, Man School.
Man School is not MTV’s Jackass. Man School does not have anything to do with Ashton Kutcher or Punk’d . Chicks don’t go to Man School regardless of their demonstrative feat. Crying will get you kicked out of Man School. Your music playlist does not make you a man. Bribes don’t work. Tattoos make you scary cool, not a man. Man School is for men.
There are no diplomas. No guarantees of admittance (unless you’re Chuck Norris). Expulsion comes without warning. Studying does nothing. You need only accept the fact that Man School will roshambo you to the core.
If you have what it takes, share. If the council of one determines you are a man and not the next recipient of a junk punch, I will the council will post.
Do you qualify for man school? Chime in below or send me an e-mail at TiTy@y2kemo.com.
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