022210, 2AM, Day 3: Morning comes sooner than expected. @2AM rain starts pattering. @4:15AM sleet begins to accumulate. @6AM tent domes sag thanks to a fresh 5” of sleet/snow. Gracias, weatherman. All tracks are covered. The 3’ of snow is now ~3.5’. Looks like we are going to have to posthole our way down the mountain. I’m not sure about you, but when I have to lift my leg to my ear 400 hundred times in a row, I get tired. Man, finally. A friggin’ clearing. Wait, what’s this? Sweet Moses! Fog! Suck. Clouds settle in and bring visibility down to 10’. Compass says we need to go up the mountain through all the rhododendrons. Seriously, who’s in charge of landscaping around here? We melt snow to fill our bottles and Camel Baks, and use the surplus for a cup of Via.
The pu-pu platter of whiteout, waist-deep snow, and cat tracks make choosing the correct path difficult. And, of course, we choose poorly. Gonna have to push through a good ¼ mile of more flippin’ rhododendrons (a.k.a. the vineys).
CHRIS: There’s a tree, probably a clearing nearby.
COOP: Nope, more vineys.
CHRIS: There’s the ridge. Gotta be a trail.
COOP: Nope, more vineys.
At one point we track west following a phantom trail only to turn back east due to the vineys. Pushing the ridge, a clearing gives us reprieve.
CHRIS: Finally, no more rhododendrons.
COOP: Nope.
CHRIS: Aw man…thorn bushes?
COOP: Yup.
CHRIS: Suck.
Looking out into the vast nothingness of fog and snow covered slopes, we turn to our trusty high tech super awesome GPS and $3 Wal-Mart compass.
CHRIS: Hmm, GPS says we need to go that way.
COOP: And the compass says we need to go that way. So….
CHRIS: What’s the map say?
We look at the map, then the compass, then the GPS, then the map again, then the landscape. Compass, map, GPS, landscape…
CHRIS: Suck. I have no idea where we are. Between the snow, the fog, and these two flippin’ devices…Can you say disorientated?
COOP: Yeah, why?
CHRIS: Nevermind.
COOP: We should be on Old Butt Knob but that looks like Old Butt Knob.
CHRIS: And that over there looks like where we should be going. Let’s ask Mr. Owl. Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop?
MR. OWL: You’re lost.
COOP: Suck.
CHRIS: Kill the owl.
@12:33PM, after much deliberation, we call nine eleven to get a little assistance. We both send text messages to our fam members explaining our lack of location. Mine reads:
TEXT: Dnt freak out. We’re really lost no joke. Called 911 and are waiting for a response. We are both ok.
@12:40PM my phone dies. Coop’s phone is our lifeline. Search and rescue’s calls back tells us to sit tight. Phew, help is on the way. Coop builds a fire. SNR calls back and give us Big East Fork’s coordinates to enter into the GPS. That would be a great idea if our GPS and compass weren’t giving us OPPOSING DIRECTIONS. They follow up with another suggestion to sit and wait. Fire won’t stay lit. This blows. Thankfully we have our stoves and a little Via to keep warm. ‘Round 2PM SNR calls back.
SNR: How you guys doin?
COOP: We’re OK. Cold, a little hungry, but we’re doing alright.
SNR: Well, we assessed the situation. Snow is too deep and the weather outlook ain’t changin’.
COOP: Mmm hmm.
SNR: We ain’t gonna be able to get up there.
COOP: Mmm hmm.
SNR: You guys are on your own.
COOP: Mmm hmm.
SNR: Keep heading in the direction you are headed. The trail will get steep. Once you cross the valley and climb the slope you’ll be on Old Butt Knob. Good luck.
Coop hangs up the phone.
COOP: We’re on our own.
CHRIS: That sucks.
Yeah, it really does suck. Not just because we’re lost, but because today is the anniversary of my dad’s death.
Have something to say? Leave me a comment below or send me an e-mail at TiTy@y2kemo.com.
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