It’s time to move on, but looking for a job is a pain. Between classifieds, message boards, social networks, and the Internet, the search is never-ending. If I’m lucky enough to find a job that looks interesting I’m hit in the junk with fine print. If I can pass these two levels of mind-numbing gameplay I still have to figure out what information the prospective employer wants. A resume? Cover letter? Portfolio? References? A swift kick in the face?

Supposing I successfully defeat the paperwork thugs on Level 3, I move to the final stage and a one-on-one with the Big Boss. To defeat the Boss I must use a buzzword Mortal Kombat combo coupled with a several outbursts of fake laughter and interviewese. But a victory may not be a victory because there’s a good chance I’ll be as disappointed by the interview endgame as I was with the end of Legend of Zelda.

Enough is enough. It’s time for employers to start applying for potential employees. So, if you’re an employer who wants to hire me you’ll need to fill out an application like everyone else.

Before you start typing away I suggest you have a look at my LinkedIn profile, read a few posts, and check out my About page. If you do, you will have everything you need to make a decision. When you’re ready, fill out the form below, click Submit, and someone may or may not be back in touch.

Please fill out the application in its entirety.

Employer Application

*(denotes required field)

Name:*

E-Mail Address:*

E-Mail Address again:*

Please enter your E-mail Address a second time.

Provide your business' name and a brief description. ( < 250 words)*

Please tell me why I would want to work with you. ( < 250 words)*

Please enter the exact salary for this position. (ranges not accepted)*

Health benefits?*

Yes
No

How many weeks of paid vacation leave per year? (if the answer is 0 you should stop filling out this application)*

What are your strengths and weaknesses? ( < 250 words)*

Anything else you want to add? ( < 400 words)

Please attach your resume.*

Acceptable file types: doc,pdf,txt,gif,jpg,jpeg,png.
Maximum file size: 500kb.

Please attach an amusing image. (porn is not amusing)*

Enter CAPTCHA code:*

*Employers who fail to complete this form in its entirety and as directed, provide false or misleading information, or who are just ridiculous will not be considered. Any employer who feels I am not qualified for any reason is kindly asked to direct their attention here.

Employers I am now accepting applications. You can apply by filling out the above application. If you have any questions please leave them below or send them to me at TiTy@y2kemo.com.

Related posts:

1. 2011 Douchie Awards
2. Boss is gone, time for holiday
3. Passing the Buck
4. Gone Fishin’
5. Monkey Business