Every time I have something delivered to my house it usually goes like this:
Why? Why is it such an inconvenience to have a package delivered? It should be simple. Order, ship, receive. Instead it’s order, ship, jump through hoops, pray, call, leave a note, pray some more, bend over, and maybe receive a package. Take my two most recent online purchases for example:
FedEx
I ordered a computer online and had it delivered via FedEx. They sent me a tracking number, and I watched my package travel the U.S. en route for its final destination—my house. Since the delivery window was between 9AM and 7PM, and knowing that the driver would most likely require my signature, I took the day off from work. 645PM rolled around and my phone rang. It’s FedEx dispatch. Apparently the delivery address was lacking specificity. I talked to the woman who transferred me to a guy who took my info and was going to get in touch with the driver to share the missing information so I could get my package delivered on time. Before hanging up the guy said I could expect my package in the next half hour.
Thirty minutes rolled by and nothing. I called back. Again, I was asked for my address because it was showing as invalid. Really? But I just…forget it. Again, I provided my address. This time I was informed that the driver was done for the night and I would have to wait until the following day.
I logged on to FedEx.com in the morning and saw that it was “Out for Delivery.” Great! Morning transitioned to afternoon. Afternoon turned to evening. I became leery of the package’s “delivery” status and returned to FedEx.com only to discover the status was changed to “Invalid Address.” W-T-F? I called FedEx for a third time and was informed that the driver did not have the complete address. How? How is this possible? I’ve provided the requested information twice. The woman on the other end of the phone hadn’t a clue how such incompetence could have occurred, but was quick to inform me that if I didn’t pick up the package at their local service center within the next hour the package would be returned to the sender. With no other choice I drove out to the service center, and picked up the package ten minutes shy of closing. To make matters worse the computer that was shipped was incorrectly configured and had to be returned. F-M-L.
UPS
For my wife’s birthday I ordered her a few bottles of wine. The merchant made it very clear that someone over the age of 21 had to sign for the package. Gotcha. Absolutely. I’ll totally be there. When I received the tracking info I saw that it was to be delivered on a day I had already taken off from work. Bonus! No need to take time off. On the day it was to arrive I waited and waited and waited. UPS.com said the package was on the truck and headed my way. So as not to miss the knocking on the door I hung out on the couch in the living room not but 12 feet from the door. In case I was able to hear the rapping of knuckles on a metal door I had a backup plan in the form of a Black Lab named Maggie. All of my bases were covered. There was no way I was going to miss the UPS driver.
5PM rolled around (which is about the time the UPS truck rolls through my condo farm) and I peeked my head out the door only to find a UPS delivery attempt sticker covering my peephole, “Delivery attempt 1. Package must be signed for. Next delivery attempt is [tomorrow].” RAGE!
I had to return to work the next day so I immediately called UPS to see if I could pick up the package from their service center.
UPS: I’m sorry sir, that isn’t possible.
ME: What isn’t possible?
UPS: We don’t have a local service center where you can pick up the package.
ME: The tracking information says the package is back at the distribution center.
UPS: Yes sir, it is. But you cannot retrieve your package there.
ME: But it’s a physical location that I could go to.
UPS: Yes sir. But you are not allowed to retrieve your package at that location. You will need to call the merchant to have the delivery address changed or log on to our website and change the delivery address for an additional $4.
ME: Can you change the address?
UPS: No sir, I cannot.
ME: Thanks Peggy.
UPS: I’m sorry, what?
<click>
Side note. In grad school I worked at a UPS distribution center loading tractor trailers. I know for a fact that people can come to the distribution center to pick up packages. I know this because I hand delivered several to customers who were unable to camp out at their own doorsteps. Anyway, after hanging up I went to UPS.com, changed the address, paid my $4, and received my package three days later.
My Solution
Instead of having six different options ranging from “Overnight” to “Pretty sure you’re never gonna get what you ordered” why not offer two options called Doormat Lump and Meet Me Halfway? Basically you order your merchandise and choose Doormat Lump to have your package conspicuously placed under your doormat, or select Meet Me Halfway to begin the cat-and-mouse game where both you and the driver work together towards a common goal of outsmarting the other. Both choices would guarantee on-time delivery at some point in time.
Who’s with me?
Have a particularly eventful shipping experience? Have a note for the delivery driver? Share it below or send me an e-mail at TiTy@y2kemo.com.
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