To all the women who have endured, are enduring, or will endure labor…this day is for you.
Back at week five I thought I was going to die from exhaustion (my wife came much closer than I did.) Now, at week seven, it doesn’t seem so bad. Wait, are you going to be positive for once? Yes. Today, I’m putting my usual curmudgeon self aside so I can share the joy that comes with being a parent. Why? Because beyond the dozen daily diaper changes, the middle-of-the-night top-of-the-lungs screaming spells, and my son’s inability to communicate in words, there are some really great moments.
In the past two weeks Jose has learned to eat from a bottle, conduct an orchestra, smile on demand (provided “demand” means I talk like a child and smile until he smiles), and sleep for more than three hours at a time (<– best learned behavior to date).
As I waited for the dermatologist to figure out what was causing my weird elbow rash I read a few pamphlets. One of them was for pubescent teens dealing with acne that was jam-packed with advice like “Relax, pimples have less to do with chocolate, and more to do with your hormones.” and “Be patient, acne treatment can take up to 8 weeks.” and my favorite “Picking, scratching, popping, and squeezing tend to make acne worse and can cause scars.”
That’s right kiddos. You shouldn’t pop your puss-filled pimples! But, since many of you simply cannot resist the urge (and for whatever reason brought your camera) I complied my top 5 pimple-popping gems. Enjoy…
Yesterday marked the fifth week in the life of little Jose. Holy shiitake I’m tired. For all of my friends and family who warned me that having a baby would be “the end of your life as you know it” I apologize. I shouldn’t have ignored you. You were dead on. My only question is, “Why the frak didn’t you tell me how it was all going to go down?” Is this some kind of hazing ritual? Like because no one told you and you had to do it that you shouldn’t tell anyone else so they can suffer? Is that what it is? Man, I hate you for not coming clean. Well, I’m not joining your little secret society. I’m letting the world know what they should expect.
That’s right newbies. Beyond the happy moments: the smiles, toots, giggles, and outright cuteness, there are moments that will keep you up at night and test your sanity. Keep reading…